The priority should always be to prioritise the children being able to spend time with both parents. How this happens can depend on many factors, including what has happened in the past and the geography which can determine whether it is possible for Christmas Day itself to be divided or for the children to spend some time with each parent over the holidays.

Do try and reach an agreement as far in advance as possible. It helps everyone to know what is going to happen and allows an expectation for the holidays. It also enables other plans to be made with wider family members and friends.

Communication between separated or divorced parents can be difficult. Direct discussions are preferable but not always possible. You may have your usual ways of making plans either through text or email and it is sensible to use these avenues to broach the question of Christmas if this has not yet happened. Involve a third party if this helps, such as a family member or trusted friend.

Keep an open mind and listen to the other parent’s suggestions, even if they are not exactly what you had in mind and be prepared to compromise. Remember, whatever is agreed this year may happen in reverse next year so make sure it is an arrangement that you would be content with if you were on the other side of it.

Try and keep the discussions focused on what you feel is in your child’s best interests and on an arrangement that works for everyone.

If you both live locally, dividing Christmas Day may be an option, moving from one house to the other at say 3pm. If there is some distance involved, this is less likely to be an option with a changeover being more appropriate at 10am on Boxing Day for example.

Some families treat the period from Christmas Eve to Boxing day as a set period that alternate each year. Others agree that the children will always spend Christmas day with one parent and Boxing Day with the other.  Consider having a second or pretend Christmas Day. The big festive meal and celebrations can take place on any day over the period.

The children’s views are important but do not put them in a position where they feel that they have to choose between you. This is unfair on the children who will not want to upset either parent.

It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong answer – it is what works best for you and your family.

An agreed arrangement will always be preferable to a wait-and-see approach. If you are in difficulty we can help you, please do get in touch with our specialist family & divorce team.